


Growth

by leadsan



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Emotional Constipation, First Time, M/M, awkward data boys doing awkward data things, um i dont know bro im just like writing things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26355841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leadsan/pseuds/leadsan
Summary: Renji had never spoken up about anything that actually matters.
Relationships: Inui Sadaharu/Yanagi Renji
Kudos: 7





	Growth

They had been friends since elementary school. Then he fucked up and hurt Sadaharu. He really thought — calculated — that they would never get to be as close again. If there was one person who would surprise him though, that would be Sadaharu. _A good surprise_ , he remembered himself thinking that.

After the nationals, they kept in touch; Sadaharu would call him every Wednesday, and Renji would call him every Saturday. They would spend half an hour on each call, the topics were the same almost every time. It was, in a way, their duty. There were very few exceptions. Sadaharu kept track of those. Renji wouldn’t say he was never bored of it, but he kept going. They both liked routines, and they worked well together, in synced, even outside of tennis.

None of them really played tennis anymore. They still did, from time to time, but it was nothing like when they were in middle school.

Renji stopped right after the U-17 camp since he had gotten a scholarship to an objectively better school, with an asterisk. That opinion was arguable, and he was probably wrong, but there was no point sulking. He’d always prided himself on the data he had, but he learned that a lot of his data was just his opinion and not fact. Which was fine, because opinions are still data, as long as he is aware that they are his opinions. Renji wanted to say he grew up after the whole Losing-to-Sadaharu thing, but apparently he didn’t.

Sadaharu stayed at Seigaku and continued to play tennis. He wanted to beat his captain, “To prove my data can go through at least this barrier.” he’d said. He stopped before the second semester of his 11th grade though — without having beaten Tezuka once — to focus on his studies. Sadaharu would have gotten into the university he was in now either way, but Renji knew Sadaharu could get a little paranoid.

Renji kept in touch with all his friends after he changed schools; Seiichi, Genichirou, Akaya, less so the rest of the team, and even his friends in the Rikkai school council, even if those were just polite messages on new years and such. It was an improvement. At least he hadn’t just left them without giving any reason. Maybe that was growth, but Renji wanted a more tangible measure.

He was now studying literature. Like anyone would expect, if they knew him. In the same university as Sadaharu, like they expected. It wasn’t planned, just something that was bound to happen. At one point there had been a 86% chance Sadaharu would go study abroad, but then his mother got sick for a while, luckily it was nothing serious, but the chance went down to 0%. Now, of course, they were roommates. It was something both of them expected.

Sadaharu was good at making friends, even though he was a lot more outwardly awkward than him. In his opinion. Maybe it was because he was genuine. Maybe it was because spiky hair and thick glasses were something people liked. He'd had girlfriends, too, and would sometimes bring them to their apartment. Which wasn't a problem, Sadaharu made sure to always inform him first, and to never have them over when they were busy with exams. Renji got along well with some of them. They'd talk when they had dinner together, but not more outside of that. All the breakups were on good terms, and Renji didn't once see that it affected Sadaharu in a bad way. Sadaharu was _succeeding_ in life. Maybe this was why he felt like Sadaharu had it together. Unlike him.

Relationships terrified him. They are good to have but that was why he never wanted to lose any. Despite his almost-growth, keeping relationships in check was hard for Renji still. It was better with certain people. He still went shopping with Seiichi relatively regularly. Still talk to Genichirou. Akaya still demanded his attention like he'd always had. For others, it was a disaster, in his opinion. He didn’t have any new close friends, which wasn’t at all a problem, but it was something related. Almost all his romantic relationships lasted less than a year, with one being just a week longer. All of them, he concluded, was because of lack of communication. It was a problem he knew he had, but had never gotten to fixing it.

He discovered around his first semester at his high school that he really did not care what gender the other person was. Neither did Sadaharu, when he somehow discovered this and asked him over a cup ramen dinner they had together. Renji still couldn’t figure out what gave him away, but it didn’t affect them, so with some reluctance he just let it go. He was still going to ask Sadaharu how he knew someday, though. The answer would most likely be a smirk, and some implication of _"I won this time"_ , but maybe with some bargain he'd let him figure it out.

Most days he would make dinner, because even though he said it was fine, Sadaharu's cooking was actually terrible. He told him it was because he had labs, and they lasted till at least 4pm, while Renji's classes ended a lot earlier. He knew Sadaharu knew, but they both didn't mention it. Some days they would eat out, or order something in, if they were busy. Today Renji wanted to make some tofu stir-fry. He was putting the rice they had left from yesterday out from the fridge and microwaving it when his phone rang.

"I found this contemplative art collection. Ukiyo-e. I thought your friend might like it. His birthday is soon, right? You haven't bought anything for him. Do you want this?" Sadaharu was never someone to say hello in phone calls.

Genichirou _would_ indeed like that, his birthday was 2 months away, he was thinking of getting him a new calligraphy set, but Sadaharu was already there and this was okay too. "Yes, thank you."

"Of course." And the line was cut. He was never someone to say goodbye either.

It would take Sadaharu around 12 minutes to finish his book shopping, and 36 minutes to walk home. The tofu dish he planned would take only 24 minutes. He decided it was better to wait a bit, so that when Sadaharu got back, it would still be hot. After 18 minutes of reading, he went back to his cooking. With that done, he had 6 minutes to put everything on their dinner table, which was just a small collapsible table. Their apartment wasn't big.

Exactly after he'd finished, he heard the door being unlocked, then Sadaharu walked in.

"Hi,"

"Hi," he said, handing him the book.

"Thank you. Going shopping wasn't on your schedule today." He took the book and set it aside.

"Ah, my professor asked me if I could get a book for him." He sat down at the table, rubbing his hands on his pants. "I guess it's good that I called, this is still warm."

Renji thought about telling him to go wash his hands, but he didn't. "I see, and yes."

"I also saw your ex-girlfriend there," Sadaharu was looking at him, eyebrows raised. "The last one."

"Oh." he looked up. It was a particularly bad one.

"I don't think she remembers me though."

"93% chance she did, but found no point in greeting you. Let's eat, Sadaharu."

"Oh, right. No talking."

"Yes."

After they finished, Sadaharu took the plates to the sink and washed them. "She was with someone. I think they're dating."

"Oh," It stung a bit, but he knew Sadaharu didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. "That explains why she didn't acknowledge you then. Good for her, I guess."

Sadaharu turned to look at him, "Was that something I shouldn't mention?"

It was a genuine question. "No, it's fine," Not a genuine answer. They both knew that.

"Sorry, I just said that because I slept with the guy she was with once."

"You," what "what?"

"I slept with your ex's… uh, bookstore companion once."

"And it was a he."

"Yes?"

"I didn't— I never," He frowned.

He smiled, his teeth showing. "Well, it was a one-time thing."

"I see. You just wanted to break it to me. Could have done it without talking about them dating though."

"Oh, you really didn't like that. Sorry."

"It's nothing. But let me pick the movie for this Friday." It was a diversion tactic. Sadaharu knew that. He let it go.

"Of course."

"Finish the dishes, Sadaharu."

"Right."

He went back to his reading, but not really. Distractions had never been a big problem for him. Today was an exception. Renji didn't feel _sad_. It was just strange. A bad kind of strange. He didn't think he had any feelings left for the guy. Maybe feeling discouraged when an ex of a year and a week went out dating after such a short time was normal. He knew it was unreasonable to believe that they were dating, without any evidence, but it was Sadaharu who saw them and came to that conclusion — or a guess. But still, it was Sadaharu, the probability of him being wrong is only marginally.

Also, Sadaharu.

He didn't see that coming, and that shocked him more than anything. They _lived together_ . Maybe it was before uni, but still. He was a bit frustrated. He had always been able to at least predict something _this big_. It had to be Sadaharu again, throwing him off. There are too many things going on. But also too little. Renji decided he should just focus on his reading. His essay was due in 2 weeks. His thought process got messy. He noticed that, took note of it, then tried to actually focus this time.

He read.

Sadaharu woke up before he went to sleep. "You don't have anything due today,"

"No." He let go of his weight, head flopped down to rest on the desk. "I got carried away."

"Maybe you shouldn't go to class today."

"Didn’t know you were a genius, Hakase."

He felt a light touch on his shoulder. "Go to sleep, Kyouju." Sadaharu went into the shower, beginning his routine.

Renji went to sleep at 11 in the morning. It wasn't a good decision, in hindsight. He had a 10 AM class. His first absence in 5 years, which wasn’t really a big issue, since he had already studied what they were supposed to learn today a week ago. But it also kind of was, for him. If Akaya knew, he would bring it up every ten minutes for the next two months, and would be impressed by the fact every time. _Yanagi-san just doesn’t do that_. There was a 78% chance Akaya wouldn't believe that his Yanagi-san was nowhere near inhuman as he had thought he was even when presented with evidence.

Most people overestimated him, which was a good thing. Renji didn't have too much to offer. He was almost always scared of something despite having already predicted a lot. It was irrational and he knew it too. He still couldn't do anything about it. Things just kept going on around him and it felt like he could never catch up. Renji could barely keep himself together. He tried his best to show none of it. A focus helped. It had been tennis before, right now it was his study.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Renji kept thinking about The Sadaharu Issue, and he felt like he betrayed his friend a bit. Or maybe a lot. Sadaharu didn't make a big deal out of _him_. Why was he making a big deal out of this. Granted, it was only in his brain. He didn't act any differently. He hoped so, at least.

Maybe if there was really something making him uncomfortable, he should speak up about it. But he didn't know what was.

He had never spoken up about anything that actually matters. Things that concerned him. He knew it was a problem. Knew how to fix it. _Just talk_ , like Seiichi once told him. But it was never that easy. He knew what to say and when and how. He knew a lot of things. He just couldn't execute any. Words never come out, or when they do it's something destructive. Maybe he hated himself a little bit for that, but Renji never had enough courage to explore it.

His last relationship fell apart because he refused to get intimate, physically or emotionally, with his ex girlfriend. He just didn't know what to do. The first few times Renji had pushed her away she understood and didn't mind. After that, she stopped understanding and did mind. Renji knew that would happen, because he calculated it. But it still felt bad. He thought— hoped, wrongly, that because she had tolerated him for so long, she would just tell him _"It's okay._ " He didn't think of himself as a victim. Because he wasn't one. It was selfish of him to expect people to just wait and be understanding, especially without him giving them any reason to.

It had always been like this. He wanted to fix it, but he never did.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Sadaharu, would you have sex with me."

Sadaharu got quiet for a moment, "Yes,"

That seemed to surprise Sadaharu as much as it did him.

He had been thinking about this for a long time. He would say he didn't know when it had started, but he did. And he was 22% sure Sadaharu had predicted this would happen. He did look surprised, so maybe not. Renji wasn't sure of too much anymore.

"Was that a proposal or just a question?"

"Can be either."

"Renji."

"I don't know."

"That's… fine. I'll do with it whatever I want though, in that case. Is that okay?"

"Yes," He looked him in the eyes. They were slightly wider than usual.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Sadaharu barged into their apartment 2 days later, calling out his name "Renji,"

He looked up from his writing. A story for creative writing class, except he wasn’t being creative. To put it lightly, it sucked. He couldn’t focus on anything.

"Renji," He walked up to him "what about now?"

"Yes," Renji said, quieter than he meant to. Sadaharu’s face was so close to his, and he could feel the other man’s breath on his nose. It was cute, maybe. And then, Sadaharu’s lips were on his.

Sadaharu's glasses pressed into his nose and it was very awkward. His heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. Renji knew it wasn't.

"Uh, was that okay?"

Right. It was just Sadaharu. Renji breathed in and counted to five, then breathed out. "Yes."

Sadaharu looked down, wringing his hands. His glasses were fogged up. Renji felt a slight touch on his inner thigh, "Can I?" he heard Sadaharu asking.

"Yes."

Renji wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He felt Sadaharu just. _Doing things_. He almost hated every second of it but he didn't. Then Sadaharu slid down, face above his crotch, and tilted his face up to face Renji.

"Sadaharu."

"Yes?"

"Don’t ask."

"Ah."

"I’m capable of telling you to stop, don’t worry." He wasn't sure he was. But this was Sadaharu, so it's fine.

Sadaharu chuckled, because of course he would. "Right." His hands began fumbling over the buttons of Renji’s pants. Eventually, he got them open, and then he just _did more things_. It was almost overwhelming. Renji knew his breath would get quicker. He tried to even it, but maybe that was unnecessary.

"Sadaharu."

"Hm?" An immediate stop. Sadaharu’s eyes shot up to meet him.

He knew Sadaharu already knew this, but said it regardless. "I’ve never..."

"I know." Of course.

"I don’t know what to do."

" _Oh,_ " He looked taken aback, Renji really thought Sadaharu would also have made this connection. "You could touch me," he said, covering Renji’s hand with his. "Or hold on to me. Or you can just do nothing. It’s okay."

"Okay," and with hesitation, he placed his hands on Sadaharu's shoulders. It was awkward, but this was Sadaharu. He was fine.

Renji thought of something to say, the next time Sadaharu ask, to actually shut him up. Because he knew he was going to ask again.

"Um," He couldn't say it. He counted his breath again and then said in a rush, "Maybe we should get on the bed. Or something?"

They, with a crude term, fucked. It was fine. It was good, in his opinion. Relatively, he didn't know. Sadaharu was still beside him, tired, probably. They both had classes in the morning, so this had been a dumb idea. But it was too late now.

"I'm tired."

"Guessed so."

"Is it bad etiquette to ask if it was good?"

"I don't know. And it was."

"Good."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"I didn't contribute much. Sorry."

"Renji, it was fine. I didn't mind."

"Okay."

Sadaharu turned to face him, "Want to take a shower?"

"Yes, but I really can't be bothered right now."

"I can help?"

"No." Renji shook his head. Maybe Sadaharu let out a chuckle then, but he wasn’t sure.

"Did it hurt?"

Not really. "I'll manage." Renji did prepare himself, because he knew Sadaharu was free today. He wasn't sure which way around it was going to be, and it was presumptuous of him to even think it was actually going to happen. But just in case.

"I'll go get us some water." Sadaharu got up.

He came back with a glass of water and whatever it was in Sadaharu’s tumbler. Renji probably knew what was in there, but his brain was too fried to think about it.

"Thank you." He said, reached out to get the glass, sat up, and drank.

"You know, there is 1,260 million trillion liters of water on earth." The weight of the bed shifted, Sadaharu had sat back down on it.

"Wow, you are nervous." 94% chance he was smiling. 

"Are you going to class?”

He pretended to think about it. "No."

“Want me to make breakfast?"

" _No_. Why are you coddling me. We had sex, Sadaharu, it’s fine."

He laughed "Of course. You’re the expert."

"Quiet game. Go."

"Sleep?"

"You lost. Yes."

Sadaharu turned off the overhead lamp, and huddled closer. Maybe they cuddled. And maybe he felt a bit sentimental. He didn't smile, but Sadaharu knew he actually did, just not physically.

Head squished into Sadaharu's chest, Renji heard his voice. "You're fine."

Renji's breath was even.


End file.
